Normally a new year means excitement for what is to come for me... This year has me BLUE. As we got home last night Jonathan joked that since we are staying in today, he should spend it packing his bags. He took a job a few months back in Florida and while we hoped the house would sell quickly(but knew it was realistically a bad time of year), it hasn't. Which means the kids and I are here WAITING for the house to sell while he has "moved" to Florida. So Sunday, when the holidays are done, and the kids are getting ready to go back to school, Jonnie will be leaving to go to work and I don't know when he will be back to visit. It is such a transition for our family. We miss him terribly. I hate when he leaves, but I normally have an end date for when he will be back. A time, I can make a countdown for the kids to look forward to. This time, I do not.
The worst part is, over the last week and a half, our house has been full of love and family. My in-laws came to visit as well so its been nice having everyone here. Sunday evening, we drive to the airport with a carload of 6, and leave just the 3 of us. It is hard enough for me, but seeing how it will affect the kids, hurts me too. I'm scared of their reaction, as well as my own.
In typical Hilliary fashion, once the realization hit me. I became a moody mess. I don't want to be around anyone, I want to be alone... I don't want to hang out or do anything that anyone else wants to do, I just want to be blah (picture Sadness from Inside Out). I hate my coping mechanisms because I hate that people take it personally. I hate that people think it is them I'm upset with (I mean really, if you did nothing to me, why would I be upset with you). It is really nothing personal, it is just me being sad, and moody because I'm about to feel abandoned. I don't like it, but its my truth. I hope this house sells quickly now that the market should start picking up, we need to be together, not apart.
